


Use Social Media Only as Directed

by Trista_zevkia



Series: Platonic [4]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, Superman/Batman (Comics), Superman/Batman - Fandom
Genre: Dirty Talk, M/M, Platonic Sex, Stuffing the Sausage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-24
Updated: 2011-10-24
Packaged: 2017-10-26 22:09:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/288436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trista_zevkia/pseuds/Trista_zevkia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Monday: Aliens try to take over the Earth</p>
            </blockquote>





	Use Social Media Only as Directed

The Mendalows were sure they had accounted for everything before attacking the Earth. They sent robots that looked like humans down to scout the planet, looking for threats and hostages. The robots came back with internet downloads on all the most important people. The elder-warriors of the Mendalow army found the greatest threat was the Justice League. The greatest weakness was the way the populace blindly worshiped their celebrity figures.

The Mendalow scientists determined icon status of the individuals by the number and frequency of their appearance in the data brought back by the robots. Ideally, the member of the Justice League would be held in check by the safety of the celebrity from their home base. It was a plan that had worked on several worlds, ever since the Gripthor tried to use it against the Mendalows. It hadn’t worked on them because the Mendalows were military trained and individualistic. Basically, the Medalows survived with a ‘me first’ attitude, with a heaping helping of ‘fuck you.’ If other people didn’t adhere to that philosophy, the Medalows were happy to use it against them. 

The leader of the Justice League made his home base a place called Metropolis. He was the most talked about figure there, having also reached celebrity status. The next most popular figure was a businessman by the name of Lex Luthor, but he spoke out against Superman. Clearly, Superman wouldn’t risk losing the planet to protect someone who hated him. 

Elder warrior Tasumic snarled as he paced around the science deck. His claws were extended, making it clear he would likely kill the next person who spoke, yet he still expected them to provide a solution. 

Knowing his life was on the line, Sco pulled up the solution he had in mind. With the man’s image covering his padd, Sco turned it so Tasumic would see it when he walked by. 

“What is this?” 

“Mighty warrior, this man is from another home base, one that does not have a protector of its own. A place called Gotham.” Down the line of bowing scientist, Sco heard squeaks of disagreement. “Some think Gotham holds a rodent man, but no proof of him exists.” 

“You believe this Superman will protect one not from his home base?” 

“The reports on their internet indicate so, my elder.” 

“Then we will take this Gotham man and bind him to Metropolis. Do you know what will happen if this fails?” 

“You will claim my head, Elder Tasumic, and rightfully so.” 

“Who do I tell the targeters to find?” 

“The Prince of Gotham is Bruce Wayne.” 

sB _Sb_ Bs

Bruce was deeply engrossed in the running of his company. He’d even managed to stay awake through this board meeting by playing video games on his WE-pad under the table. Mr. Fox was the only one who could see what game Bruce was playing, one that looked remarkably like the schematics of a fixed wing aircraft shaped like a bat wing. Mr. Fox hid a grin even as he moved the board meeting along. He wasn’t the only one with a streak of genius at this table.

“Thank you, Mrs. Addams. Next up is accounting…” Mr. Fox stopped as the board room door burst open, and everyone at the table turned to look. 

Bruce looked up, and turned off his WE-pad without looking at it. 

“Bruce Wayne, prince of Gotham?” The alien pronounced each syllable as a word, asking if they ‘got ham.’ 

“I love being flattered by big scary aliens!” Brucie squealed with delight. He stood, sliding his WE-pad in front of Mr. Fox as he walked over to the aliens. 

“You are coming with us.” 

“You’d better believe it, you hunky beast.” 

Targeter Jaki knew his business, having done it on several worlds. He also knew that his targets weren’t supposed to look at him that way, with a predatory lust that transcended species difference. Jaki forced himself to not step backward, instead reaching out to tag his target. With the transponder in place, Jaki signaled the ship and waited on the familiar tingle of transport. 

Mr. Fox watched Mr. Wayne disappear in a tangle of light. The board room came alive as people started reacting to their boss being kidnapped by aliens. Mr. Fox considered finishing the meeting and going on about his day. Except, he didn’t really want to listen to Mr. Moss and his whiney voice. That guy could drone on for hours about expense reports not backed up by receipts. “That concludes today’s meeting. I’ll call the cops, the rest of you can prepare your witness statements.” 

sB _Sb_ Bs

Bruce fought his way back to consciousness, trying to remember how he’d gotten unconscious. It must have been a side effect of getting beamed up to the alien ship, so they could do whatever they wanted with him. Judging by the way he was naked and strapped belly down on something, they were used to people protesting their treatment. The something he was strapped onto sighed, and Bruce forced his eyes open.

He was strapped belly to belly with an equally naked Clark. Why did it always have to be Clark? They were free floating in an orange cylinder with the ends rounded off. No corners or edges to hurt themselves on or grab onto. Rigid straps at all their joints kept him and Clark spread eagle, with arms straight out at their sides. Bruce rolled his eyes and spoke. 

“Of all the people in my life, you’re the one I’m most likely to be stuck inside a sausage casing with.” 

“Same to you, pal. They sent a fake distress call and took out the JL when we responded.” 

“I was at a board meeting.” Bruce mentioned casually, letting Clark know he was Brucie right now. A Brucie who couldn’t ask intelligent questions, in case of surveillance, until he knew what he was up against. “I was wearing my favorite tie.” 

“No, I don’t know why we’re naked. I did x-ray things, and there are about fifty of these tubes inside a cargo hold on their ship.” 

“Heat vision?” 

“Warriors of Earth, know this before you fight.” 

A voice echoed through the tube, halting their conversation. 

“The tube you are in is escape proof and cancels out any special abilities you have. Any attempt to fight your way out of the tube will be redirected back at you. Though you may be invulnerable to your own abilities, the human residing with you will not be. Fight us and your human dies first. When we are done with your planet, you will be returned to it.” 

“That’s reassuring.” Bruce muttered, letting Brucie slip away as something to worry about later. 

Clark hid his grin, not wanting Bruce to know the sarcasm was reassuring. “So, it’s probably good I didn’t try the heat vision.” 

“What did you try?” 

“I can fly over to the sides, even without gravity, but the material is so slick I can’t grab hold.” 

“You could get us out of these restraints.” 

“I can’t rip them off without damaging you, and until I know how the walls will handle my heat vision, I won’t try burning off the restraints.” 

“Low heat, I can take it.” 

“Maybe, but I can’t risk it.” 

“Wimp.” 

“Fragile.” Not a traditional insult, but it made Bruce stiffen against Clark. 

“How slick are the walls?” 

“Real slick, but if I had something sticky I could grab some of the wall to anchor us.” 

“You do have something sticky at your disposal.” 

“Um, I don’t have a utility belt on at this moment.” 

“Ejaculate on the end of the tube, you’ll be more likely to find extra material gathered there.” 

“Ejac… That’s not like peeing, I can’t do it in a vacuum.” 

“We’re not in a vacuum, we have air.” 

“You know I meant I can’t, you know, without, um, stimulation.” 

“Oh Superman, you can do anything.” Brucie said in the same tone that had startled his captor. 

Clark flushed, and Bruce felt the change in temperature everywhere he touched Clark. 

“Superman, I can feel your cock, dangling under me. It would make me so hot to feel you harden against me.” 

“Bruce, not that I don’t appreciate the effort, but I don’t think that’s going to do it for me.” 

Bruce sighed and stretched his neck. Whoever these aliens were, he was glad they hadn’t taped his head to Clark’s. Clearing his throat, Bruce reached for his impersonation of someone he was sure would get Clark’s juices flowing. 

“Smallville! If you don’t get it up, right this minute, I’ll slap you silly!” 

“Bruce! No, don’t do Lois. Matter of fact, never do that again.” 

“Yeah, I didn’t care for it either.” Bruce’s voice returned to normal, but he cleared his throat again to get rid of the aftereffects of the falsetto. “What do you want?” 

“Ah, well, this might sound weird, but maybe you could talk to me.” 

“That’s what I’ve been doing!” 

“No, I want you to talk me through this. Not him, and not, you know, him, and definitely not Lois.” 

“And what do you want me to say?” 

“Things you’d say, not what they’d say.” 

“I’ll try.” 

“And, maybe, if it’s not too much to ask, some kissing?” 

“I don’t have flowers and candy shoved up my ass, just fyi.” 

“Ok, eww, ass candy. But this is your idea, and your sperm is just as sticky.” 

“Yes, but apparently they slid me down your body or something, because I’m not dangling in space.” 

“And the last thing we need is to be even more stuck together.” Clark sighed. “I’ll do it, but you’ll have to help.” 

There was a long silence, while Bruce thought about things. Deciding on a course of action, he leaned in to offer a chaste kiss. “Superman. When I read that name in the newspaper, I almost laughed. The picture was blurry, so I didn’t think much of it. But you weren’t camera shy, and soon enough I was staring at a picture of you. Hands on hips, cape in the wind, stupid hero pose, and I thought you were beautiful.” 

“What?” Clark had to ask, surprised at such an admission. 

Bruce took advantage of his open mouth for a much more interesting kiss. Just a touch of tongue sliding over plush lips, and a bit of sucking as Bruce pulled away. “I know, women are beautiful, men are handsome, but you were more than that, weren’t you, Superman? Those shoulders, that tiny waist, those bright red cock hugging briefs that make you look so huge. You tease.” 

Leaning in, Bruce started kissing along Clark’s jaw, muttering words around his kisses. Slow words and quick kisses. “That face, chiseled out by the greatest artists in history to make the perfect specimen. Oh, you shivered there. You like it when I kiss that spot under your ear. It’s hard to get to from here, can you imagine what I’d do to you if you got us out of these restraints?” 

“Yes.” Clark answered, a lie and a plea. He never could predict what Bruce would do. He sure couldn’t have predicted the words coming out of Bruce’s talented mouth, but they were working. “My cock is nestled in the v of your legs.” 

“Nestled? Only you could use the words cock and nestled in the same sentence and not expect people to laugh. Though not many people ever get to hear you use that word, cock. Ass. Fuck. Come on, say it to me, the way we both know you want to.” 

“Bruce, I want you to fuck my ass with your cock!” Clark was breathing heavy, turned on and ready to beg for Bruce to talk to him. 

Bruce chose that moment to shut up. 

“Bruce? You’re supposed to be helping me with this?” 

“Right, just thought that’d go the other way.” 

“What?” Clark’s arousal was on hold, his brain coming back on line to decipher what Bruce was talking about. 

“Ignore my brain. It was expecting you to be so masculine, so dominate that you’d want to fuck me in my ass. Like the perfect alpha male you pretend to be. That’s why I didn’t trust you, when we first met, you seemed so perfect.” Bruce moved his head, trailing his tongue along Clark’s throat, until he got to the Adam’s apple. Wrapping his lips around that bump, Bruce spoke to it, heavy on the teeth and tongue. 

“After I got to know you, I found out you weren’t perfect. Your imperfections, the humanity in you should have eased my fear of you.” Bruce fed his fingers through Clark’s, at the end of their outstretched arms. Clark clutched at him and Bruce moved his fingers in an imitation of what their hips wanted to do. “Your imperfections made you perfect, and that terrified me.” 

“Bruce, please, I need!” Clark called, unable to articulate what he needed. Besides, what more could Bruce do in such a confined conditions? 

“Beautiful, perfect, imperfect, terrifying. I wanted to prove you weren’t what you seemed, that you didn’t confuse me. But you are what you seemed, my secret desire.” Bruce shifted his hips, letting Clark feel the erection that had grown between them, even as Bruce sucked on Clark’s Adam’s Apple. 

Clark bit his lip, drawing blood as he came silently, squirting the wall through Bruce’s thighs. It might not have been an orgasm to break his brain and make him see fireworks, but Clark blamed that on the limited physical interaction. Thinking about what Bruce could do to him with his hands free wouldn’t help Clark get them out of here, unless they needed more sticky stuff. “Right. I’m going to fly toward the, um, mess and see if it’s sticky enough yet.” 

“You do that.” Bruce said, his voice still rather husky, his erection still trapped between them. 

Clark got over and found it wasn’t dry enough, so he blew hot air on it. When the edges of the drops started to look dry, he tried again. Now his hand stuck, instead of his efforts just pushing them off. Curling his index finger, it poked the material away from him and he now had a finger hold. When he had a hand hold, four fingers curled into the slick material, Clark was anchored to the wall and could move. If his heat vision ricocheted, he’d be able to protect Bruce from it. 

Carefully, Clark directed his heat vision at the cuff holding his right wrist to Bruce’s left. The thick cuff took a lot of heat, and Clark felt it on his skin. He’d be alright, but a slight movement might have caused the heat to hit Bruce’s skin, so he couldn’t have tried it in free-fall. Once that was done, Clark moved on to the cuff at the elbows and shoulders. A few low heat practice shots off the walls of their prison, and Clark calculated the angles to cut the cuff off of his shoulders, waist and legs, without Bruce being at risk. Clark cut, until they were held only by the cuff at his left wrist, Bruce’s right. 

Bruce still had his fingers curled around Clark’s, but he’d let go the instant he was free. Clark would have to cut it off to escape, but he really liked holding Bruce’s hand. Why had the devious jerk been hiding all those wonderful words away from him? Would Bruce ever learn not to bother being devious with his friends? Probably not, unless someone was devious to him. Clark focused his heat on the cuff, and Bruce pulled away. 

“Bruce, I think we need some more sticky stuff. For my other hand.” 

Bruce pulled his arms in, crossing them over his chest to frown at Clark. As he was naked and floating, Clark wasn’t intimidated. “Superman, you have a world to rescue from an alien invasion.” 

“Can’t do that without a grip on the wall.” 

Bruce tilted his head at Clark, which sent his body into a slow spin. “You’re trying to make me do some of those things I hinted at.” 

“I don’t know why everybody says you’re such an idiot, Brucie.” 

“Clearly you don’t read my facebook page.” 

Clark blushed, just a little. 

Bruce saw it. “You do read my facebook!” 

“Lots of people do, reporters even. It lets everybody know what’s going on with the jet set.” 

“You know Alfred updates that for me?” 

“Really? That explains why my friend request was answered so promptly.” 

“Be that as it may, I’m not about to let you fuck my ass without lube.” 

“You’ve got ass on the brain. I was thinking about your talented mouth.” 

“You realize I was just saying what I thought would work for you?” 

“It would take more than an alien invasion for you to say such things.” Clark could admit that he knew that about Bruce, but not the jab of pain at the thought. A joke to make the pain go away, and hopefully irritate Bruce. “You don’t actually think I’m perfect?” 

“Shut up.” 

“You don’t really think my red briefs are a tease, bringing out the girth in my cock?” 

“Just for that, you can go fuck yourself, at the end of the tube.” 

“I can fly, and you can’t escape me.” 

“You’d have to let go of the tube, and you’ve got a world to save.” 

“Fine. But you owe me a blow job.” 

“I’ll start a tab.” Bruce muttered, watching Clark rip a chunk out of the tube. 

Their captors thought they had everything covered, but they weren’t ready for a pissed off, naked and half horny Superman. Bruce grinned and scavenged some clothes from Clark’s fallen opponents, before figuring out how to open the rest of the tubes. Freed and embarrassed, the Justice League delighted in taking apart the ship. 

Brucie held court in the tube area, attempting to turn the escape into an orgy and generally adding to the confusion. When a costumed Justice League returned the hostages to their cities, they couldn’t quite describe what their heroes had looked like. But they clearly described Brucie trying to talk a matron from Star City into a blow job. Her slap had echoed through the hold, and Superman had laughed as he came to rescue them. That was the story that made the papers, since the invading aliens had only just landed when they were recalled to protect the ship from their hostages. 

Suffering their first defeat, the Mendalows limped out of the solar system. Elder warrior Tasumic was dragged to the brig, kicking and screaming. He would be held there until the council decided what to do with such a failure. Sco ducked his head and tried to blend into the science deck, hoping no one would remember his part in things. And, to further cover his blue ass, he reviewed the information that had led him to his idea. 

Nowhere, on this book of face or twitter, could he find a reference to Superman producing a sticky substance. Saving his results, Sco added a note that next time they attacked someone they should include visual as well as audio surveillance. It was unlikely the elders and warriors would listen, but the scientist in Sco liked to learn from his mistakes. 

sB _Sb_ Bs


End file.
